The Attraction/Revulsion Effect

I don't get it.

Am I the only only who is weirded out by The Bachelor? Do people really believe in this crap? Has our ability to connect authentically with other living human beings in real time and space gone completely to hell? Honestly, only in America (sorry, neighbour) is it possible for such vapid content to be so voraciously consumed as though it had worthwhile substance. I know, I know, it's mindless entertainment, a 'fairy tale' world we enter to escape our own flatlining romantic lives. Lives with real people who have real connections - full of frustration and conflict and, oddly enough, fulfillment. And yes, I know we watch, in part, to balk at the crazy notion that such artificial circumstances (They're in paradise, don't ya know?) can give rise to 'true and everlasting love' (Oh baby, oh baby). But still, I marvel. Why do we watch this drivel with such hunger? What is it that we are missing - missing so deeply that we rely on such shallow fabrication to satisfy ourselves that the possibility of what we are witnessing is possible for us - in real life?

Indeed, I have had my own own fun at the expense of the man & gaggle of women who inhabited the proverbial island, all planted there for one purpose: to find a deep, meaningful and lasting connection with another. Heck, I even had fun with the fantasy and spent more than a few Monday evenings (alone on the couch) getting in touch with that lovin' feeling I've known with that special someone. So you've caught me. Yes, I followed this season's sickening trip...or 'journey' as they who came to find true love prefer to call it. But, to my credit, I did not commit my Monday nights to every episode...or 'Rose Ceremony' as they who produce the show like to call it. Often, I had better things to do and did not even flutter at the thought of missing The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love. I have my pride. Heck, many a Monday night, I even forgot that it was the Monday-thing-to-do. Sometimes, a girl just wants her couch and a good book. Or a little yoga, a warm bath and some sappy music on her iTouch (how sexy!).

But truly, I am mildly baffled by those who did set aside their Monday evening me-time for this me-fest (Have you ever noticed how narcissistic this Bachelor/ette phenomenon is?). With great importance and - it seems to me - reverence for the 'journey', I know at least three single & over-40 women who could not/would not miss their Monday night fix of TB. Not only were they hooked, but they followed, outside of the Monday night realm, the rumors and gossip and blogs, and all the sundry accessory marketing/bullshit that comes with the show. If I missed a Monday, I could count on all three sources to fill me in - and gall darn it if they didn't make the whole damned thing seem important enough to follow. Here, it behooves me to admit that I am more than a little miffed at how things turned out this season (He picked her?).

But let's get back to the heart (ha-ha) of things. Did the lovers find love? Did the shiny happy people make a real connection? This cynic says, um, likely not (Just check the tabloids and you'll see). I think we can all look at the packaging, read the ingredients, and recognize that real life has yet to be lived. Before long, this hot couple (You saw it, too, right? That undeniable spark?) will have to confront the work and commitment they must pour into enduring love. Soon, we will all hear the disheartening news that the couple has split (bad things happen to good people) and our fairy tale bubble will be burst. TV is a tough place to start and carry on a romance, after all. Just look at all the the movie-star marriages that have gone bust. But hey, let's be fair. When you live in America and go public with your love, it's pretty obvious by now that holding-IT-together is darn near impossible.

Truly, though, I am not at all cynical about love. Not even close. Yes, I am mystified by the willingness of some to completely expose their so-called search for love on national TV - but I am more mystified by what I have discovered from being deeply in love with another. It's an incredible feeling - a feeling that occupies my senses long after the end of the affair. Which is where The Bachelor begins to make sense for me. That is, I suspect my girlfriends may still be searching. That they need some context for a modern 'happily ever after' scene laid out in front of them. These girls have yet to connect and to know the pefectly wonderful depths of surrender. And, perhaps there is a part of me that needs a boost of faith to know that love may come my way again.

So, this is where I back off and give credit to those who created The Bachelor. For many, your show is hope and a dream within reach. We need to know that our ideals have some place in mundane reality. Whether long attached and looking for a little reminder, or still single and looking for some reassurance, we all need a little jolt of that romantic fire once in a while. It just feels good, and now I get it. Looks like I'll be checking out the score next season.